Awesomeness

The 2014 Home Run Derby Drinking Game

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DiNunz and myself have spent a lot of time putting together this drinking game for you guys. We wanted it to be fun but also keep you on your toes. We know that some drinking games can get boring after a while. Seeing as how the Home Run Derby will probably be a few hours, we knew we had to keep your attention with some of our rules.

I think it goes without saying, but we will state it anyway. Ron Burgundy rules are in effect. No touching of the hair or face, but everything else is a go. Remember that for knee football.

Before you read through the rules, you will need the following to properly play the game:

  • A pool raft
  • Bagel Bites
  • Maple syrup
  • Plastic store bags from Target
  • Two joints

Give drinks…

  • If they show John Kruk back in the day with a mullet, the person with the longest hair, male or female, will give 10 seconds.
  • Anytime Yoenis Cespedes hits a home run, the first person to spell his last name aloud, correctly, can give 5 seconds.
  • If the batter come to the plate wearing his hat backwards a la Ken Griffey Jr., the first person to yell “Junior!” gives 6 seconds (number 24, 2+4)
  • When a players kid is shown, the first person to yell “spawn” gets to give 10 seconds out.
  • Drink 1 second for every “back” Chris Berman uses when calling a home run. “Back-back-back-back-back-gone!” = 5 seconds.
  • If a player hits an opposite field home run, the first person to yell “OPPO LIKE TACO” will pick one person to drink 5 seconds and also have them buy you one menu item from the Taco Bell menu when you inevitably end up there late night.

Take drinks…

  • If a player hits the big state of Minnesota, all drinkers must stick their credit card in their mouth and use it as a slide to chug for 5 seconds
  • If they show John Kruk eating, the biggest person will drink 10 seconds and then have to retrieve a snack from the kitchen for each person playing.
  • If a player is shown with a video camera, a round of “categories” will be played. Topics must include baseball (Baseball movies, all stars, players at certain positions). The loser will drink 10 seconds.
  • If Chris Berman is talking and almost runs out of breath near the end of his sentence, the largest person watching the Derby must drink 5 seconds and do 5 pushups. Seconds and pushups go up by 5 for every instance after that.
  • In the event Kirby Puckett is menitoned, you must drink 7 seconds (number 34, 3+4, get it?) with one hand covering your right eye in honor of the Twins legend.
  • If a ball is hit foul, all people wearing sandals must drink 5 seconds10 seconds if they are also wearing socks.

Everyone drinks…

  • Shotgun a beer if anyone finishes with ZERO home runs.
  • After a batter is finished and the ball boy runs up to him with a Gatorade/Powerade, all women must drink if the color of the drink is red, Orange, or pink. All men must drink if the color is blue, purple, green. But if the drink is the light purple Riptide Rush, for Gatorade or the White Cherry flavor for Powerade, all must drink because those two flavors are too good not to have every one drink.
  • After every batter, everyone drinks the number of seconds equal to the number of home runs hit (10 homers, 10 seconds)
  • If a player hits a ground ball in the infield, everyone does a waterfall. The order of the waterfall is alphabetical by name with A starting and Z ending.
  • Anytime you see a grown ass man with a glove on, social drink for 10 seconds. We need to unite and show that not all men are douche bags like the one shown.
  • If any batters teammate runs up to the batter to give them a towel and/or Gatorade, call that teammate a douche and drink his jersey number (i.e. #12 = 12 seconds)
  • When Jose Bautista comes up, yell “Oh Canada” and drink for 5 seconds. If they refer to him as Joey Bats, take a shot of maple syrup
  • If Troy Tulowitzki and Justin Morneau finish a round with the same amount of home runs, smoke two joints because Colorado, man.
  • When Brian Dozier comes to bat, queue up the theme song from the show “Coach” and split into two teams. A game of knee football will be played with the beer as the football. If the offense scores, they get to shake the football and spray it on the losers. If the defense makes a stand, they get to spray. In both instances the winners must yell “SCREAMING EAGLES” while spraying the losers. Games only last 60 seconds (length of theme song)

Kill your beer…

  • If you are wearing any piece of MLB gear that matches the winners team, you get to watch everyone kill their beers.
  • If one of the kids catching balls in the outfield takes on off the head or chest, pour one out for the little one then kill your beer
  • If Giancarlo Stanton hits 2 home runs on his first 4 swings, pull a “LeBron” and kill your beer and go home.
  • If a homerun hits the foul pole, anyone with any type of visible yellow on themselves will kill there beer. Acceptable items: phone case, watch, hat, Livestrong Band etc.
  • If a reference is made to the Mighty Ducks at all, you must kill your beer. Then, the host will make Bagel Bites, but refer to them as Knuckle Pucks, and hand them out to the guests. All guests will then yell “Cake Eater!” as they consume their Knuckle Pucks.
  • Before Yasiel Puig comes to bat, everyone must shotgun a beer and then jump on a raft and swim across the pool. First to get out on the other side and yell “F*ck the cartel” wins and passes out 66 seconds. Please note that if a pool is out of the cards, a hot tub, slip n slide or race across the yard under a sprinkler or hose can be substituted.
  • Pour your beer over your head if any batter actually swings and misses

Obviously we know you won’t actually be able to do some of these, but if you are going to attempt it, let us know at @ThunderTreats and @DiNunz on Twitter!

Please drink responsibly.

 

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