Enemies

Florida man joins 'mile-high club' with…himself

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kyle-pearceKyle Pearce, 25, of Florida just couldn’t wait to get home to get him a piece of Kyle Pearce.

During a United Airlines flight from Washington to Denver, several people on the plane witnessed Mr. Pearce masturbating while in his seat and apparently not trying to hide it either.  One witness was an 18 year old girl who was seated across the aisle from Pearce.  Correct, the dude was sitting in an aisle seat!

“I sat next to a man on a plane who was masterbating [sic]. I heard a noise and looked over and saw his penis,” the teenager recalled in a written statement. She added, “He ejaculated & got some on the seat. Then he went to the bathroom for a long time.”


Unfortunately, the teenager wasn’t the only one who had to watch Pearce and his one man band.  Another 18 year old, Grayson Miller, was seated behind Pearce.

“My friend Zach turned to me and said, ‘That man is masturbating’ and in disbelief, I looked and saw his penis and he was.” In his written statement, Miller reported that, “I hit him with my book in the arm, which caused him to stop and leave to the bathroom”.

If convicted of the above, he faces a maximum fine of $5,000 and 90 days in jail with 1 year of supervised release.

Ha. Supervised release.  We all know he likes it when people watch.

The worst part of this entire story?  The plane that Pearce made love to himself on, with the tail number N843UA, has criss-crossed the USA 12 times since Pearce’s flight.  Here’s hoping that United Airlines cleaned the shit out of that plane.

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