Entertainment

Tim Allen was Arrested for Trafficking in 1978 and Almost Spent Life in Prison

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If you already knew Tim Allen had an awesome mustache and was cuffed and stuffed for trafficking then why didn’t you tell me?

I cant figure out if this is common knowledge or if I just happen to stumble upon a great Yahoo! article about where celebrities were when they were 25.  More than likely the former.  For Warren Buffet, he was an investment salesman for Buffett-Falk & Co in Nebraska.  Good old Mark Cuban was a bartender in Dallas and Martha Stewart had just quit her Wall Street job to be a stay at home mom.  A year later she started a catering company that did pretty well.  All are good stories but Tim Allen’s really shocked me.

In 1978, when Tim Allen was 25 years old, he was detained at an airport in Michigan after he was found to be in the possession of a lot of cocaine.  The biggest problem for Allen was that he was in possession of over 650 grams of the Colombian bam bam.  As Michigan law stated, he was potentially going to prison for life for possessing a pound and half of cocaine.

The law was passed to teach people a lesson. Selling more than 650 grams of cocaine got you life in prison. They thought it would be a deterrent. It wasn’t. I was put in a holding cell with twenty other guys — we had to crap in the same crapper in the middle of the room — and I just told myself, I cant do this for seven and a half years. I want to kill myself

Instead of spending the rest of his years in the joint, and subsequently depriving us of a major piece nostalgia, Allen agreed to roll over on the people he was associating with at the time of the arrest.  He wasn’t just giving up one or two people either.  Allen gave the names of 21 individuals who he had worked with to bring his sentence down to 5 years.  Allen claims that comedy saved his life while in prison.

When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine — this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.

That’s when the comic in me appeared. The comic said, Have you ever killed yourself before? Do you know how it works? Let me tell you how its going to end up: You’re gonna get it wrong and end up hanging a few inches off the ground with your shirt just over your ears, going: Oh, fuck. Somebody help me You’re gonna hang like an idiot for an hour with everybody just looking at you. The image of my head straining with the shirt over my ears made me laugh. The comic in me showed up, the purest form, and saved my life.

tim-allen-1978-mug-shot-2

After prison, Tim Allen Dick dropped his last name and appeared on stage as just Tim Allen.  He crafted his routine around an inept man with power tools.  Sound familiar?  In 1991, 13 years after his arrest, we were all introduced to Home Improvement.

What if Allen didn’t roll over on those other guys?  We would have no Home Improvement, no Buzz Lightyear, no Jonathan Taylor Thomas and no AL BORLAND!  Seriously though, I feel like this is something I should have known about for a long time but I never came across it.  Perhaps that is exactly how Tim Allen would like it?  I wonder if there is a day that goes by where he doesn’t think about the guys he put in the clink, or more importantly, are the guys in the clink thinking everyday about how Tim “The Toolman” Taylor put them away by snitching?

[insert Tim Allen classic Home Improvement grunt]

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39 Comments

  1. Pingback: Life Chat: Meeting Nick from New Girl – MissBassmaster

  2. Keith La Forgia

    January 5, 2018 at 6:34 am

    Tim Allen is one of my favorite sitcom actors. He makes Acting look fun, even in his early days.

    • Rodney Lemerand

      June 28, 2018 at 8:23 pm

      TIM ALLEN DICK IS A PIECE OF SHIT, SCUMBAG RAT. HE DOESN’T DESERVE ANYTHING HE HAS. HE SOLD OUT ON FRIENDS, FAMILY AND ASSOCIATES. HE IS THE LOWEST OF THE LOW. I HOPE KARMA HITS THIS SNITCH WITH ALL IT’S MIGHT.

      • Anonymous

        June 16, 2019 at 5:53 pm

        Speaking of pieces of Shit. Suck a dick fucktard.

        • Anonymous

          August 22, 2019 at 1:02 am

          Big talk coming from someone who’s anonymous fuck boy Cunt

      • Anonymous

        June 16, 2019 at 5:55 pm

        By the way your wife loves to fuck and suck big black cocks.

      • Anonymous

        June 22, 2019 at 10:40 am

        I guess you went down the same road as Tim & you did not have the talent or intelligence to rise above it. Not being a snitch only sucks if you did not help the police keep drugs off the school grounds. I am happy he talked, I know it helped my drug enhanced son.

        • Tf

          August 14, 2019 at 10:33 pm

          F allen

      • Anonymous

        August 12, 2019 at 11:45 am

        Hahahaha the people he sold out were loser drug pushers and other drug fiends , who the fuck cares about them lol

  3. Just Bob

    July 3, 2018 at 2:50 am

    I don’t know any of the men Tim’s testimony helped put in prison. However, I am friends with the son of one of the men and I can say with certainty that he is in no way impressed with Tim Allen’s celebrity status and is quick to tell everybody who will listen what a piece of crap he is. From what he’s told me it would be very unwise for Tim to wander the streets of Pontiac or Detroit alone where he and his associates used to do their business.

    • d

      September 4, 2018 at 6:45 pm

      Eh on the other hand, anyone slinging cocaine in the streets of Detroit is already arguably a piece of shit, so who cares if they think each other are? They are just pissed they couldn’t get rich and get high off somebody else’s life taking the risk.

      • Anonymous

        February 23, 2019 at 2:30 am

        Selling drugs to survive financially doesn’t make someone a piece of shit. It’s a rough world out there and some people are unfortunately born into shitty situations. They aren’t forcing anyone to do the coke, providing something there’s a market for and doesn’t endanger anyone but the user is not morally wrong. But this dude sold out 21 people so he could get a reduced sentence, sounds like classic republican hypocrisy so fuck him.

        • Anonymous

          April 2, 2019 at 1:52 pm

          Actually it does. If you can sling drugs on a corner than you can flip burgers, fix cars, get an education. So in so forth. If you take the “easy” way you’re a piece of shit. Selling drugs to other people who have nothing and taking what little they have so you can provide for whatever you claim. Makes you a piece of shit

        • Anonymous

          June 22, 2019 at 10:44 am

          I guess you went I figured you were a Democrat

        • Anonymous

          August 12, 2019 at 11:46 am

          Yeah man if you sell drugs you ARE A PIECE OF SHIT , your livelihood ain’t worth ruining others , so again if your a drug dealer, your a piece of shit

        • Tf

          August 14, 2019 at 10:36 pm

          F allenf

  4. Ponch

    July 31, 2018 at 1:07 am

    Seems like a lot of people are pissed off he rolled over. Also sounds like a bunch of sour convicts commenting on all this. Gtfoh for trying to make people believe you live by some code that wants people to believe your going to take a life sentence for keeping quiet. And if you would you belong in prison you bunch of tools. That old pun don’t do the crime if you can’t do time, unless you roll over on enough people. Can’t blame the man, he had his come to Jesus moment, your just jealous he came up, bunch of haters.

    • Anonymous

      February 23, 2019 at 2:31 am

      I don’t think you know what a pun is lol

  5. missy carter

    November 4, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    He was busted in Kalamazoo, Michigan not Detroit. He also did Business in the zoo area. I remember it well. Yes, he sold out people. The grand Jury came and busted many afterwards. But, it’s been 40 years now and people he did business with are gone. If they forgave him you should too.

  6. yoko

    November 12, 2018 at 5:42 pm

    Good for him for turning in criminals. Less scumbags off the streets. Can’t blame him.

    • Anonymous

      February 23, 2019 at 2:33 am

      Tf u talking about he’s a scumbag himself

  7. Arthur Linden

    November 26, 2018 at 1:42 pm

    First of all, it’s a matter of integrity, and fear. I can understand why he did it. Ya know, spending the rest of your life in a place where you’ll never be free when your life has just begun. But on the other hand, if they where really his friends then he should have treated them like friends. (he also should have been more careful. I personally think he was making a drop for some one, or was actually gonna use the stuff himself.) Still, who carries 650 grams of cocaine?!? I mean if your gonna break the law, do it “right!” Don’t do stupid stuff to get yourself caught! It’s like in those movies when they tell the bad guy that there gonna call the cops, While he has four other guys with loaded guns pointed to your head!!!! I wouldn’t be surprised AT ALL if he’s still doing the same thing. And I’ll close with this: you’d have to be really warped- (or high) to laugh at seeing yourself- in a cell- hanging by your shirt only a few inches off the ground. Personally, I would be petrified. And that is why, he (in my opinion) is not funny.

  8. Dog

    January 30, 2019 at 3:03 pm

    A RAT IS A RAT IS A RAT!!! DID HE GIVE THESE 21 VICTIMS A MILLION DOLLARS EACH? WELL HE SHOULD. HE DID A NICKEL OF TIME AND SOME OF HIS ASSOCIATES DID 30 TO 40 YEARS WHILE HE WENT ON TO FAME & WEALTH, WELL I SAY SHAME ON HIM AND HE MUST LIKE CHEESE. I WAS RATTED ON & LOST EVERYTHING SO I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE. KARMA IS A BITCH AS THE PEOPLE WHO HURT ME CAME TO RUINATION. I DON’T MIND LOOKING AT MYSELF WHEN I LOOK IN A MIRROR AND DID NOTHING TO GET REVENGE BUT KARMA TOOK CARE OF THE SCUMBAGS WHO WANTED TO DANCE BUT NOT PAY THE FIDDLER!!!

    • Your mom

      March 22, 2019 at 10:33 pm

      You’re a piece of shit. Get over it and worry about yourself dickwad.

    • Anonymous

      April 2, 2019 at 1:53 pm

      Actually it does. If you can sling drugs on a corner than you can flip burgers, fix cars, get an education. So in so forth. If you take the “easy” way you’re a piece of shit. Selling drugs to other people who have nothing and taking what little they have so you can provide for whatever you claim. Makes you a piece of shit

    • Anonymous

      April 2, 2019 at 1:54 pm

      People like you selling drugs are the reason young kids are becoming future addicts. I’m glad you got snitched on. What you “lost” was taken from other people who had addictions and you took advantage of them. Fuck you hope you learned your lesson on prison

    • Anonymous

      May 28, 2019 at 10:50 pm

      He did time. Sounds like only drug dealers are the haters.

  9. steve jackson

    March 19, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    having read what several folks say about the horrible situation tim got himself into, & the naturally-selfish solution he selected as his exit strategy, i can survey my past & see some parallels. perhaps if all these commentors step back, glimpse some of their pasts, & replay their own decisions of self-preservation, they might re-write their comments. i am reminded of a crowd wanting to kill a woman in their midst, & my compassionate Savior offering each one the first-toss. during the subsequent silence, the mob dwindled; leaving only the woman, The Lord, & several disciples. He has also forgiven me & longs to add all your names to His list; of heaven-bound-saved-sinners. i don’t know if tim is born-again. but if he gives a few serious seconds to that story of that woman, he, & we, might well have a new life to live; where we cease to behave in ways that disappoint that Jesus of Nazareth, The Sone of God, without Whose forgiveness we all will find ourselves in worse cages than did tim way back then.
    here is your assignment for the next 3-weeks: read one chapter each day until you have finished The Gospel of John. re-acquaint yourselves with The Son of God. adios, slj

    • TimSucks

      April 4, 2019 at 10:23 am

      Plenty of people who commit crimes don’t lose all self-respect and refuse to commit betrayal just to weasel out of the consequences of their actions.

      And sorry to burst your bubble, but your religion is a total con job. You are wasting your life believing in that silly fairy tale.

  10. TimSucks

    April 4, 2019 at 10:18 am

    I don’t think that Tim Allen becoming a dirty rat and betraying a bunch of friends and associates to avoid taking responsibility for his dumb***ery so he could later punish us with the drivel that was Home Improvement and his insufferable conservative delusions is really a net benefit for society..

    • TimDoesSuck

      April 18, 2019 at 11:36 pm

      I complete concur.

  11. Anonymous

    April 21, 2019 at 10:06 pm

    Was Tim Allen bringing all that coke to Woods?

  12. William

    April 28, 2019 at 12:21 pm

    I believe that all people have a conscience. You can’t tell me that some people who went the wrong path don’t sometimes turn it around. Anyone who has done things in their life lives with those things. The people here who are still crying foul are sadly the losers. I’ll bet Tim lives everyday thinking about the things he did and also that it bothers him.People who are on drugs are sick and need help. Selling drugs to them is also wrong so I guess we can point fingers at everyone, right? The ones who cried about his success need to take another look at themselves and turn their own life around. That is if they want to.

  13. Anonymous

    April 30, 2019 at 9:50 pm

    Everyone seems to have big mouths about situations that don’t concern you. I myself don’t believe in telling on someone else because I got caught I have paperwork to prove that I take responsibility for my actions but it doesn’t seem that man is hiding from anyone so why don’t you big mouths keep your opinions to yourself and mind your own business. You know thats the problem with this world we live in you idiots bang on your keyboard and think you have a right to say whatever you want. If these people he told on wanted to handle it they should but they aren’t so why don’t all of ya’ll STFU!

  14. Jr

    May 2, 2019 at 8:09 pm

    Honestly snitching is a cowards way out of facing consequences they should have prepared for the moment they was thinking about selling. I don’t condone snitching but certain situations can call for it especially if your put in a situation where your being taken advantage of or being forced to do bad shit. But if your getting in the game to get rich or to feed your own bad habit then snitching is the cowards way out. The fact that the man became famous and successful doesn’t imply he is a peice of shit doesn’t matter what the cost was, the man walked a path of success and fame which earlier he thought he could gain through drugs. He didn’t hurt any body during his carrier that I know of but if his story and his experience was able to help somebody else’s life at the cost of his humility, shame, respect, and name that he built after words then I’m not mad at the guy. But there is plenty of snitches that made it big and dead, or big dealers and killers that snitched to saved there own ass the crime game is a selfish life and being betrayed is almost garrenteed to happen in that life so if you didn’t protect your self better or at least prepared for that then shame on you for being the dumb one.

  15. Anonymous

    June 4, 2019 at 3:07 pm

    I feel bad for White Boy Rick.

  16. Anonymous

    June 4, 2019 at 3:10 pm

    I feel bad for White Boy Rick. He got it bad.

  17. Robert Synenberg

    July 16, 2019 at 8:17 pm

    I use to like Tim Allen I knew he got busted for cocaine but God damn to RAT out 25 people fuck that I can’t believe they didn’t kill him…..oh and he went on to be very successful. That’s shit always keep your fucking mouth shut

  18. zeb doz

    August 20, 2019 at 10:06 pm

    I don’t know man if I was looking at life in prison think I would have done same shit instead of living with a bunch of vicious assholes for the rest of my days who would screw you over in a second!

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