This weekend, the Buckeye faithful were treated to none other than Matt Millen calling the Buckeyes/Hawkeyes game. Half way through the first quarter I wanted to mute it, but I decided that I would be able to will myself to get through his incoherent ramblings. At one point we were treated to this gem, “Boren looking for an identity as a receiver, I suppose. ‘The Boren Identity.'” The final straw was towards the end of the game when Dane Sanzenbacher went up and made a tremendouse catch and came down with one foot in bounds. Of course Millen right away, while watching a replay, claimed he did not have a foot down and did not have control of the ball. If someone has the video of this, please send it our way as me explaining it doesn’t do it justice.
Since Millen made our ears bleed on Saturday, we started talking about things we would rather do than listen to Matt Millen call a game. Here’s what we came up with. Please add to the list…
Have Barack Obama call the game, with his teleprompters
Eat Lady Gaga’s meat dress
Have Dennis Miller back in the booth
Sleep with Amy Whinehouse
Have Antoine Dodson call the game
Get choked out by Rampage Evans
Have my cell phone explode while having it pressed against my ear
Try to tackle Peyton Hillis
Put my tongue in an electrical outlet
Watch a Katherine Heigl movie
Listen to Richard Simmons read the Iliad
Look at Brett Favre’s text messages
Dance with Bristol Palin
Quit watching porn
Watch the Nebraska vs. Texas A&M game on repeat
Play on Michigan’s secondary
Be involved in a helmet to helmet hit with James Harrison…without the helmet
Go Christmas shopping
Cheer for the Heat
Get searched by TSA
Get trapped in a mine
Buy WNBA season tickets
Watch Lopez Tonight
Take an “Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle” and shoot my own eye out