Humor

Would you rather…?

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The All-Star break has officially arrived, and with it I’ve decided to take a bit of a break from my usual sports-related talk and debate some of life’s deeper topics. Life is all about decisions. Whether it’s girlfriends, jobs, college papers, or your alignment of forces in Risk, we’ve all made some regrettable decisions in our time. With this in mind, the following is a sample of truly tough questions for your entertainment from “Would you rather…a Love and Sex book”. You must think about the consequences and answer each one. Some are friendly, while others….not so much. Be careful what you wish for.

Would you rather….

have to have sex in the same position every night or have to have sex in a different position every night (you can never repeat)?

have sex with the new Daisy Duke (Jessica Simpson) or classic Daisy Duke (Catherine Bach)?

vicariously experience all orgasms that occur in your zip code or during sex, have the Microsoft paper clip help icon appear with sex tips?

orgasm once every ten years or once every ten seconds?

Things to consider: business meetings, funerals, dry cleaning bills

aluminum foil condoms or the same condom over and over?

condoms covered in sandpaper or condoms covered with pictures of your mother?

an 8 inch penis that was always soft or a 3 inch penis that was always hard?

have sex with a 10 or with two 5’s at the same time?

have sex with a 10 with syphilis or a 4 with nice high thread count sheets?

have sex with Paris Hilton or punch her in the face?

chew on a used condom as gum for an hour or have all your pubic hairs become ingrown?

have your nipples gnawed off by a sworm of fire ants or sit on an umbrella and then open it?

receive an enema with leech-infested water or dry-hump a cheese grater naked?

be double-teamed by mimes or be wagon-trained by a quartet of sex-starved Ewoks?

find a used condom at the bottom of your vanilla latte or find a dirty panty liner under the cheese in your tuna melt?

fight to the death 500 remote control airplanes or 1,000 hamsters?

Would you….

have sex with a walrus in order to have sex with all of the current Playmates of the Year?

give up 2 years of your life to have a penis that was 3 inches longer?

get D-cup breast implants for a year for $100,000?

give your grandmother a hickey for $5,000?

Lets’s get right to the point. Would you bang the Michelin Man for a 64 inch flat screen plasma?


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