The Grammys Should Be Boring This Year Since They Have Banned Butt Cracks, Underboobs & More

I don’t know what the hell Ke$ha or Lady Gaga are going to wear this Sunday at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards.  In the past we have seen some seriously messed up evening wear from celebrities.  Lady Gaga’s meat dress comes to mind as one of the most eccentric as well as threads rocked by Fergie.  Although, when you think about it, maybe we’ll get lucky and the worst people at these awards shows won’t show up in protest.  Wouldn’t that be great?  No Gaga, Ke$ha, Fergie or Nicki Minaj (remember her ensemble with a man as the Pope?)!  We can only dream.

If they do plan on showing up at the awards show, CBS is making sure they play by the rules.  Deadline Hollywood has a copy of the “Wardrobe Advisory” issued by CBS so that everyone knows what is, and isn’t, acceptable.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

That rules out most of the music industry doesn’t it?  I swear to God if this memo makes Carrie Underwood rethink the length of her dress and we aren’t blessed with an adequate view of her get away sticks, I am boycotting the Grammys.  If there is no side boob, no camel toes and no butt crack, I might as well mail it in.  What is the point of being a blogger if there is nothing to report? 

I’ll just check the internet machine on Monday to see the winners and I’ll DVR the show just in case there is a wardrobe malfunction.  Also, I would like CBS to elaborate on this statement from their advisory memo:

Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure.

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