Kellen Winslow Jr. Was Smoking Synthetic Weed and Masturbating in His Car

When you have played in the NFL for almost a decade, you should probably be able to afford a nice place to call home. Also, since you’re a millionaire, you should probably be able to afford a nice luxury vehicle to go along with a nice home.  Now that you have both a nice home and a nice car, which one would you smoke synthetic weed in and which one would you masturbate in?

The answer may seem obvious, but New York Jets TE Kellen Winslow Jr. got the question wrong.

Kellen Winslow Jr. was cited outside a Target store in November for possession of synthetic marijuana, which isn’t news. What is news is that the police were initially called to the scene because a woman thought she saw Winslow masturbating in his Cadillac Escalade. And by “thought” I mean literally saw his erect penis.

Per the police report:

As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account.

When police arrived Winslow stated that he was looking for a Boston Market but had gotten lost. In addition to seeing two bottles of Vaseline in the center console, the police also noticed two bags of synthetic marijuana marked “Mr. Happy” and “Funky Monkey”. Winslow told the police officers he smoked the synthetic at his house and that he smokes it because the league doesn’t test for it.

And we thought he was an idiot?

The evidence was seized and he was ticketed and free to go. The tests on the evidence came back on December 23rd and showed that it was in fact synthetic marijuana. He was formally charged on December 30, and last week he pleaded not guilty before a judge in Superior Court in Morristown. Although the report below lists lewdness as one of the crimes, he was not charged with anything related to the alleged lewdness.

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via NJ.com
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