Your Completely Out Of Touch Picks For NFL Week 10
Here’s some cool things:
- I haven’t picked below .500 yet.
- I called my 6-6 week last week.
- So I’m basically a genius psychic.
This week, I’m calling for a 9-3 week. I am actually going to try. By “try” I mean not pick Jameis Winston or the Dolphins ever again.
Overall, I’m 20-16 and I really feel like I’m about to hit my stride. We’ll see. Buckle up.
Baltimore Ravens -5.5 vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
The Jaguars go on the road and get the win! Not. The Ravens may suck, but at least they have a franchise quarterback. Team Bortles doesn’t have it in them to travel to Baltimore and snuff out the Ravens.
Carolina Panthers -5.5 @ Tennessee Titans
Cam Newton and company are firing on all cylinders. Not too mention they have their Superman chests puffed up a bit more after taking down the mighty Packers last week. The road favorites will be no match for the Titans.
Green Bay Packers -11 vs. Detroit Lions
Lambeau Field is an awfully hard place to play. It’s probably going to be cold. I don’t know, though. If I checked the weather, that would feel like an “in touch” pick and we don’t do that here. The Packers are on a 2-game losing skid, but will get their confidence back by ripping up this slump buster.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers -1 vs. Dallas Cowboys
Hold the F on. Are the Bucs favored against the Cowboys? So what if it is in Tampa! It could be on the moon with zero gravity. The Cowboys will not lose to the Buccaneers. Not now. Not ever.
St. Louis Rams -7 vs. Chicago Bears
I’d like to think the Bears are better than a touchdown underdog to the Rams. Actually, I was going to pick the Rams here. But when I wrote “underdog” it came out “undergod,” so I’m taking that as a sign to pick the Bears.
New Orleans Saints -1 @ Washington Redskins
Who’s the quarterback of the Redskins? Is it Cousins? I hope so. Cousins can get it done. Never sleep on a home dog.
Philadelphia Eagles -5.5 vs. Miami Dolphins
This is usually the part of the program where I tell you how “Rambo” Dan Campbell is a beast and I’m afraid to pick against him. NO MORE. E-A-G-L-E-S!
Pittsburgh Steelers -5.5 @ Cleveland Browns
This used to be a rivalry, back when Cleveland had a football team. I don’t know if Roethlisberger is playing or not and frankly, it doesn’t matter. This is a bye week for the Steelers. Rest your starters.
Oakland Raiders -3 vs. Minnesota Vikings
I think I saw something about Teddy Bridge getting knocked out cold last week. Ouch. That, coupled with the fact that the Raiders have been quietly killing it, makes it a no brainer to go with the Black Hole.
New England Patriots -7.5 @ New York Giants
The Kill Everyone Tour rolls into MetLife Stadium and gives the Giants more than touchdown head start. Not enough, though. The Patriots will systematically dismantle the Giants and leave them weeping in a pool of their own blood. On their way out, they will blow a kiss to Roger Goodell.
Denver Broncos -5.5 vs. Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs are a shell of their former selves. Although, so are the Broncos. In this instance, though, I’m going to with the shell that has a stellar defense and Peyton Manning.
Seattle Seahawks -3 vs. Arizona Cardinals
The Cardinals are getting points?! I don’t care if they were getting .000456 points, you take the Cardinals. The 12th Man doesn’t know what to do with itself since the Seahawks lost four games already this year. Make it five.
Cincinnati Bengals -10.5 vs. Houston Texans
The Bengals are 8-0 and rolling and have every right to be on Monday Night Football. The best football the Texans played was against each other on HBO’s Hard Knocks before the season started. This game will be unwatchable by the second half. Bengals stay perfect.
It feels like a big week coming! Bet the house!