The Official 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Drinking Game & Scouting Report
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Drinking Game has a new ring to it this year and you know why? Because I said it’s official. As in, I know you’re going to be officially shit mouthed if you actually attempt the game @DiNunz and I have laid out for you and your brave friends. But hey, if you’re going for it, you better take pictures and/or video and let us know on Twitter. We love to see good people doing stupid things!
This year’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show airs tonight at 10pm on CBS but doesn’t have quite the curb appeal we were hoping for. Not for lack of babes and legs, but more so because Taylor Swift is performing and we just know she will be her regular old self, trying to suck our will to live.
Thank God for a mute button, amiright?
This year’s drinking game will be a lot like last year’s game. First you will all gather around and put your names into a hat and draw for draft order. Depending on how many people you have participating, you will have to plan your teams accordingly as they are only listing 10 Angels on the Victoria’s Secret website, even though over 40 models will be featured. Since those 10 will get the most air time, they will be the pool from which you will draft. After all teams have drafted their model(s), the rules, listed below, will be handed out so that everyone is on the same page.
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Drinking Game will be centered around your model and the things she does, or doesn’t do, that will determine how much you drink and how much your friends drink. For those of you who don’t keep up on the happenings of the Victoria’s Secret Angels in the off-season, we have provided you with a scouting report on the 10 Angels that will be featured in tonight’s show. Use this as a guide for when you set up your big board (how else would you prepare for a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show).
Adriana Lima, 32
Sure, this absolute hottie/badass is getting up there in age (for Victoria’s Secret models) but I wouldn’t count her out. Remember, this is game of exposure. The more time your model is on the screen, the better shot you have at getting your friends shitfaced.
Height: 5’10″ Measurements: 34-24-35
Behati Prinsloo, 24
Behati is one of the young guns on the squad. I said last year that I didn’t think she was a top 5 pick and I am sticking with that notion. BUT, if you can get her late in the first round you have to take her. As the former face of the PINK line, I would think she would be getting a good amount of air time later in the show.
Height: 5’10″ Measurements: 32-24-35
Candice Swanepoel, 25
Candice may only be 25, but she has been killing the runway for quite some time it seems. Definitely a top 5 pick in her own right, but add in the fact that she will be rocking the $10 million Royal Fantasy Bra and it is a no brainer. I wouldn’t be shocked if she went #1 overall in some drafts.
Height: 5’9″ Measurements: 33-23-34
Lily Aldridge, 28
Ahh, a lady closer to my age. Love it. Lily is easy to spot during the show because she has legs that do not quit…ever. Also, keep in mind that she loves to blow kisses. Something you have to think about with all the Angels, but Lily especially. She will also get adequate TV time and I would be ok giving her a top 5 nod.
Height: 6’1″ Measurements: 33-23-33
Karlie Kloss, 21
Karlie is looking to make a splash this year. At only 21, that means she was 10 years old when Adriana Lima was legally allowed to drink in the U.S. Take that in for a second. Although she is a young beauty, I don’t go top 5 with Karlie out of fear that she is still earning her way to the runway. She’ll get face time, but not nearly as much as the other ladies.
Height: 5’8″ Measurements: 31-23-34
Doutzen Kroes, 28
Classic beauty is how I describe Doutzen. If you have a late pick and you come up and no one has selected Doutzen, do not hesitate! She is a popular model and last year even was ranked 5th on the top earners list in Forbes Magazine. This is a mid round to late round steal.
Height: 5’9″ Measurements: 34-24-34
Lindsay Ellingson, 29
Most of us, like the Beach Boys, wish they all actually could be California girls. Lindsay, hailing from the whale’s vagina, has been a staple on the fashion show the last couple of years. She is in the prime of her Victoria’s Secret days and will be getting plenty of love from the camera. Don’t be afraid to take her off the board early.
Height: 5’11″ Measurements: 33-24-34
Alessandra Ambrosio, 32
Along with Adriana, Alessandra is one half of the oldest duo on the show tonight. And let me clear when I say I am completely OK with all of that! The aforementioned models can only hope to achieve half of what Alessandra and Adriana have accomplished in their careers. It is the reason of seniority and tenure that makes Alessandra a can’t miss pick. No matter where you are picking her, you are getting a competitor.
Height: 5’9″ Measurements: 34-25-34
Erin Heatherton, 24
Erin Heatherton is a midwest girl and since Thunder Treats Headquarters is located in Ohio and not my parents basement like most of you assume, we would probably pick Erin with no second thought. This is her sixth VS Fashion Show so our guess is her workload will increase.
Height: 5’11″ Measurements: 33-24-34
Miranda Kerr, 30
Sure, Miranda Kerr split from her Hubs Orlando Bloom and is rumored to be dating some wrecked dinosaur, but should that sway her draft choice. I think so. You know all too well that you can’t draft someone with off the field issues. She is like the Justin Blackmon of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. I would leave her last on your big board.
Height: 5’9″ Measurements: 32-24-34
Once you have your models all picked you are ready to begin the game…
The very FIRST thing to do is a social chug for Marisa Miller because she has had a kid and is still a stone cold fox.
Whenever the model(s) you selected are on the screen, you are to pick another person to drink. You can do the noble thing and split the seconds or you can be that guy that repeatedly gives the same person all the seconds to drink. Either way is acceptable. The amount of seconds to drink is determined by where you are in the show.
0-14 minutes into the show = 5 seconds
15-29 minutes into the show = 10 seconds
30-44 minutes into the show = 15 seconds
45-60 minutes into the show = 20 seconds
Whoever picks Candice Swanepoel will have a bit of an upper hand here as she will be wearing the Royal Fantasy Bra. She will definitely have an abundance of screen time and will probably be featured later in the program as well.
The above will be the basis for the entire game. It will keep you drinking at a good pace while watching the Angels strut their stuff. However, drinking at a good pace is for BBQ’s and Christmas Parties. This is a drinking game, so we will need to up that pace to somewhere around ludicrous speed. Below are the side rules to the drinking game that everyone must follow.
If your model…
Blows a kiss
Wears some kind of sports gear (pads, jersey, eye black, etc)
Has wings on
Shows a butt cheek
Then you are to give out 10 seconds however you deem fair.
If your model…
Winks at the camera
Is shown running backstage
Gives an interview backstage
Is shown lip syncing to Taylor Swift
Then you are to take 10 seconds.
Giving and taking drinks are a staple of any drinking game, but so are the social drinks where everyone gets hamboned. Below are the guidelines to make everyone come together.
You see Taylor Swift, the last person to make a stupid heart with their hands has to chug for 5 seconds…Then everyone chugs 5 seconds together for making that stupid gesture.
You hear Fall Out Boy sing “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark”, everyone who smokes must light one up, up, up and kill a beer and a cigarette before the song is over. Beer only for the non-smoker.
You see a model that went undrafted, whether she was listed above or not, everyone drink 10 seconds. Give 10 seconds if someone can correctly identify her.
You see Taylor Swift posing with a model backstage, everyone must yell “bitch” and drink 10 seconds.
Another absolute staple of any drinking game is a “waterfall” rule. There is only one scenario tonight when it is required that you participate in a waterfall.
If a model has a camel toe, you must have a waterfall.
For Thunder Treats Drinking Games, we always have a rule that will probably result in a hospital run. The “kill all alcohol in the house” rule may be that rule. We aren’t just talking beers, wines and liquors. We are talking ALL. Including, but not limited to, hand sanitizers, mouth washes and rubbing alcohols.
If a model has a nip slip a la Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl, you must kill all the alcohol in your house.
And finally, as an outro, when the credits are rolling, everyone participate in a social chug for Tyra Banks because she was one smoke face who put this company on the map.
Be sure to let us know @ThunderTreats if you are attempting to play this game!