Dwight Howard has done something I never thought possible. He has jumped in front of both #1A and #1B on my hate list. It now reads:
1.) Dwight Howard
2A.) Steven A. Smith
2B.) Jared from Subway
There are about 84 other items on said list, but I will save those for another time. Dwight Howard has been nothing but annoying this entire off season. Looking at him makes me want to beat a bunny rabbit to death with a puppy. He infuriates me. He is annoying. He is a cry baby bitch.**
DWAAAAAAAHight.
Below is a list of things we came up with that we would most assuredly rather do than hear any more about this doofus. These are in no particular order…
- Listen to Paris Hilton DJ
- Drive to work on roads made of railroad tracks
- Watch a movie with Fred Willard
- Be Jerry Sandusky’s cell mate
- Date Kristen Stewart
- Be a sibling of Michael Jackson
- Eat Chick Fil A at a Gay Pride Rally
- Let Lindsay Lohan be my designated driver
- Have coitus with Lady Gaga…if that is even possible
- Watch Octomom strip
- Have Suzyn Waldman read me the phone book
- Listen to wiper blades going full blast, when it’s not raining
- Listen to Penn State football fans compare the sanctions handed down to the events of 9/11
- Listen to Nickelback’s greatest hits on repeat… Forever
- Have a blender full of nuts and bolts and a child screaming as my ringer for texts and calls
- Watch Al Pacino act in any movie from the past decade
- Give John Travolta a back rub
- Keep up with the Kardashians
- Listen to another statement from the Paterno family
- Read 50 Shades of Grey to my grandma
- Eat only green Mike n Ikes…For life.
- Be a football commit for Penn State
- Replace George Zimmerman on the neighborhood watch
**That goes for ESPN as well and their tireless, lazy, hack reporting on the subject matter
Posted in Humor
