I am one of those people who was very shy when it came to speaking to girls. It could get me sweating as if I was doing hard manual labor, even when I was just sitting in the cold.
Sometimes, my voice pitch would go up several octaves whenever I opened my mouth to say “Hi.” My mind understood my fear and could play tricks on me every time I tried.
As you can imagine, this made things very hard for me when it came to asking a girl out. Unless the dictionary definition of wooing was giggling, running away, or even hiding, there was not much hope of success for me.
This is a common issue many guys face. It is all about confidence.
The risk of rejection overpowers the intentions to try. Studies have shown that the pain we feel when we get turned down is similar to that which we feel when we have a physical wound.
This emotional pain is often imaginary and anticipated, making it hard for the man to face the girl. He would rather avoid the risk altogether than face the shame, especially when rejected in public.
You understand that feeling, don’t you? Well, I found my confidence, which completely changed my dating life, and I want to share it with you.
So, this is how you should be asking her out and getting a ‘Yes’ (almost every time.) It is summarized in these five tips.
1. Understand the ground rules
Asking a girl out is considered an art as it is a science. There are some guys who are so experienced that they will get away with every try.
No matter what anyone tells you, certain rules apply to everyone. If you understand them well, nothing will stop you from getting the girl to like you.
With that in mind, here are the rules:
- Rejection is possible. Most guys imagine rejection before they even open their mouth because they are afraid. The first rule to asking her out is to know that she may say ‘No.’ But that is not important. Knowing how to deal with rejection should be your main motivation.
- Confidence is everything. You can guarantee a rejection before you even start talking to her due to your appearance. It could be understandable if you are approaching your best friend because she already knows you. But things are different when facing a stranger. You don’t want to show her that you are afraid. So, avoid staring at the ground, crossing your legs and arms, slumping your shoulders, and fidgeting.
On this note, keep eye contact, gazing forwards, your shoulders down and back, and your chest held high.
- If you are not sure, look at how much space you are occupying. Little space means you are curled up like a ball. Consider taking up as much space as your body can allow. This ensures that you are comfortable in your body. You don’t want her to notice your fear, even when you are shaking.
- First impressions count. The way you dress when approaching the woman you like for the first time matters a great deal. Well, you don’t have to be wearing a newly-bought suit. But it would help if you were not sloppy either. Put on something decent, which fits your personality while keeping it classy. In other words, you want to look handsome in any attire. However, don’t sweat too much about what to wear.
These are the basic rules that will get you a ‘yes’ for your first date. The idea is to make sure you know what you want when you approach her.
2. Gauging her Interest
The goal of this guide is to help you ask her out and get a ‘Yes.’ As such, one important point is to gauge her interest in you before anything else. You need to make sure you have more chances of success, which only comes from anticipation.
You can tell if a girl is interested in you before you even approach her. There are certain clues that will tell you whether she wants you or not.
Many people would agree that body language is the pillar of effective dating. The way she reacts to your conversation when you meet in person will tell you what step to take next.
Engage eye contact first. If she catches your eye, try shooting a few harmless glances in her direction. Stay on her for a while before turning in the other direction. And keep a smile on your face while doing this.
But don’t stare for too long. Five seconds is enough unless you want to look like a creeper.
Note her reaction to this. If she returns the favor with a smile, there is a good chance she will give you her number, and you can use that to ask her out. But if she does not smile back, you should know well to quit early, unless you are sure she is only shy.
Kindness does not mean attraction. Sometimes a woman will smile back at you, not because she is attracted but simply because she is polite.
If you are not sure here, try asking her out. If she asks, “What, like a date?” Reply with a yes immediately. Confidence is a great asset here.
3. How to Approach Her
Now that you have gauged her interest and are sure there might be something, it is time to approach. Again, don’t forget to review the rules we have discussed above; they will help you get a date, even when the odds are not in your favor.
Be simple and direct
Some guys try too hard to be funny, forgetting to impress her. It is good to make some jokes, but don’t force it if it’s not you.
Women are attracted to men who have great self-esteem. Bending backward, trying to impress her shows you are trying too hard, and you are not confident in your skin.
Bringing out someone you think you should be can only confuse her. Chances are she will discover your tactics and lose any interest she may have had.
Don’t be too quick. Take a deep breath, relax, and tell yourself, “it’s no big deal.” Confidently walk over to her, greet her, and add some harmless complimentary lines. Overdoing the compliment is also a no-no.
If you are still worried about being nervous, we can still make this easy.
Approach her and ask for a small favor or assistance. Say something like, “Hi, which coffee do you think I should have – Americano or Latte?” From here, she can start explaining why you should take one or the other. Make sure she is into coffee first.
4. Avoid the “D” word
Many guys make a big deal about how they want to go on a ‘date’ with the girl they like. While this is understandable, you should not allow this excitement to block your reasoning.
At this moment, you may be happy that “She is going on a date with me.” This means you are placing too much significance on the date. You will never hear salespeople saying, “I am your salesman, and you should buy a car from me.” This will creep you out. They use polite approaches like “Hi, I am James, would like to give this car a test drive?”
This is the same as asking a girl out on a date. You will not get a yes if you put too much emphasis on the date, whether you are talking to her in person, or via text. It is rude to use words that are not polite, perhaps showing that you are too desperate for the date.
Go steady and easy while gauging her reaction. It would even be better if you made it seem like the idea was hers.
“I bet you cannot tell me two great restaurants around here.” This is a playful message that lets her give out some restaurant ideas, which you can then ask if she can show you.
5. Envision success but be Buddhist About Rejection
Again, we come back to confidence. It is all you need for successful dating. And if you are nervous, try faking it until you make it.
If you approach the girl expecting her to say ‘No’ you will get nervous and tongue-tied before you even approach her.
You don’t have to rehearse your dialogue too much either or memorize a script. What will happen if you forget everything? You need to be open-minded and let the conversation flow freely in any direction.
Buddhism doesn’t have too much attachment to the physical world, which makes Buddhists handle loss much better. They see a glass as “Already broken.” Understanding this gives you the confidence necessary to face any hurdle.
There you have it. Five tips for asking her out and getting a yes. The most important tip here is confidence. It carries everything else, letting you act naturally.