#tbt The 19 Best Things Your Mom Ever Packed In Your Lunch

Growing up, one thing could always make or break your day.

Your lunch.

Actually, scratch that. My day still gets derailed if my lunch sucks. Just today I forgot my lunch. Which had my granola bar for breakfast in it. Pissed off would be the understatement of the year. But I digress.

When we were younger, our moms knew exactly what cool shit to load our lunch boxes with. This was before kids became whiney tits that couldn’t ingest peanut butter or before parents became trendy assholes who wouldn’t let their kids eat gluten. This was a time where the sugar packed in your lunch was the only way you were getting through the afternoon, as well as the prime reason you passed out around 4pm.

The sugar was delicious. The flour was made from wheat. And obesity was just another four syllable word that hadn’t come up on a spelling test yet. These are the best things you could have had packed in your lunch box as a kid.

As always, these are in no particular order because ain’t nobody got time for that.

1. Dunkaroos

Imagine E.L. Fudge cookies but having to do all the leg work of mixing the cookie with the frosting. It was kind of like that…except awesome.

2. Shark Bites

Shark Bites were a new spin on the fruit snack game. Don’t act like it wasn’t the best day ever if you got more than one of those white Great White sharks. Those were the shit.

3. Sprinklins

All the rage in the 90’s was taking something that should be healthy and loading it with sugar. Dannon did a fantastic job with their Sprinklin’s yogurt.

4. Swiss Cake Rolls

Because Ho’s Ho’s were for the rich kids.

5. Fruit By The Foot

Because Fruit Roll-Ups were just so 80’s.

6. Gushers

Gusher took the Shark Bites craze and essentially put frickin’ laser beams on their heads. An all white Great White Shark Bite couldn’t hold a candle to the mystery Gusher in every pack.

7. P.B. Crisps

One pack of P.B. Crisps could decimate an entire elementary school today.

8. Hi-C Ecto Cooler

Hi-C Ecto Cooler played off the mega-popular Ghost Busters franchise and single-handedly kept a company that started in 1946 afloat into the millennium. 31 grams of sugar in one box. If that’s not 90’s then I don’t know what is.

9. Squeeze-Its

Possibly the easiest way for kids to mimic drinking beers like their dad. Also, if you didn’t bite the cap before going H.A.M. on your Squeeze-It, you did it all wrong. This was for the rich kids, too. Everyone else had Mondos.

10. String Things

String Things were just another innovative way to eat Fruit Roll-Ups. Too time consuming, if you ask me.

11. Frosted Animal Cookies

animalcrackers_iced_14.5

That’s right. None of those regular animal crackers without frosting. Those things were like chewing on compressed sawdust.

12. Snack Packs

Snack Packs were awesome. The best part was the lid. This goes with the same principle as the Squeeze-Its. If you didn’t lick the lid, you denied yourself a big chunk of your childhood.

13. Kraft Premium Handi-Snacks

Screen Shot 2015-03-25 at 11.13.45 PM

This were way better than the original Handi-Snacks because you didn’t need that stupid little red spread stick for your cheese. These just lacked the sodium the original had. It was an even trade.

14. Nilla Wafers

SONY DSC

Yeah. They were good. But you know if you got Nilla Wafers in your lunch, your mom forgot to get the good stuff (i.e. everything above) at the store.

15. Amazin’ Fruit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5uauN8dYdg

There were Shark Bites and Gushers, but the real fruit flavor blast lied within the confines of every Amazin’ Fruit pack.

16. Kudos

Granola bars that were not even close to being good for you, but it made mom feel a little better about the heart attack in a box she packed you.

17. Doritos 3D

A fun new way to clog your arteries that enabled Doritos to reduce the amount of chips per bag by like 25%. Yes, that is Sean Hayes in the commercial.

18. Ritz Bits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PFRLWLZWfU

Because you know how hard it would be to shovel 25 regular size crackers in your mouth at one time?

19. Teddy Grahams

They used the same formula as Ritz Bits. How could they get you to eat more sugar loaded graham crackers at one sitting. Make them bite size and cover them with a sugary glaze!

Honorable Mention – Slush Puppie

Did mom pack it in your lunch? No. But if you found some change in the couch before school, you could most definitely treat yourself to one of these delicious slushes. Pair it with a pretzel rod for the maximum experience.

That’s all we got this week. What did miss?

Posted in