How to Keep the Spark Alive in Long Term Relationships
Do you remember that spark when you first met your partner? New love and lust are intoxicating. The anticipation of seeing your new lover, the electrifying touch of a hand, the sound of that voice made your heart skip a beat. You found the one! You committed to each other and over the years some of that spark faded. Does that sound familiar?
While your love is still strong, the excitement and spark fades. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. With a little effort (and a little creativity) you can restore or rekindle that spark.
1. Remember Why You First Fell in Love
Take a moment to remember why you are in love and why the two of you are together. Sometimes couples lose sight of this as they become life partners rather than lovers. Try talking about it together, or simply reminding each other of the first time you met or kissed, to transport you to that moment. You might feel the spark ignite again as you remember!
“Think back to when you first met. Remember your own natural energy and nurture it; your partner was and is attracted to you in your natural state.“ Motivational speaker Tony Robinson.
2. The Couple Who Plays Together Stays Together
Find time for each other. Sometimes couples get absorbed into the business of life. Work, family, children, the house, and chores take over. You spend any free time at family or social activities. These things are important, but so is your alone time.
Find time for a date night (or afternoon). Choose an activity you both enjoy whether it is hiking, bowling, dancing or wine tasting. Spend that time having fun with each other and reconnecting.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Fight
While you don’t want to fight for no reason, embrace conflict. Take the time to respectfully discuss and work through any difficulties. Sometimes couples allow weeks, months and years of frustration to build up, and there is nothing more certain to snuff out a romantic spark. Working through conflict may relieve those frustrations and allow you to feel closer. Did you ever hear of makeup sex?
4. Variety is the Spice of Life
It is easy to live vicariously through single friends. They seem to face an endless stream of new experiences and possibilities, especially in the romance chapter of life. While their romantic dalliances might be a source of envy for you, chances are, they envy you as they look for that perfect long-term relationship.
You don’t need to feel jealous of those single friends! There are ways to enjoy variety and new experiences within your relationship. Try new activities together and create new memories. Learn something – golf, cooking, yoga, a language – whatever takes your fancy. It will give you something to practice together that challenges you both while you have fun together
According to a study, couples who share new or novel experiences feel better about their relationship, and they rekindle some of the spark.
5. Experiment Inside and Outside the Bedroom
Remember when everything was new in your relationship. There was the first kiss, the first date, the first night together. At first, everything is an exploration and an experiment. Over time you settled into a routine. The two of you always enjoyed this position or that position.
You know each other well. The problem is that love and lust grow out of those new experiences. Step outside your comfort zone and try new things together. Do you always enjoy that Italian restaurant on date night? Why not mix it up and try the new sushi restaurant?
It is easier than ever to experiment in the bedroom (or kitchen or the sofa while you enjoy “Netflix and chill”) You can find quality online sex toys and accessories that add a playful element to your intimate night in. Whatever your fantasy, the right toys might help you playfully explore them together.
6. Life is an Adventure, so is your Relationship
Be adventurous together! A new relationship is an adventure. Your heart rushes, and you feel butterflies in your stomach. You may feel similar sensations when you are nervous, afraid, excited or aroused.
As a couple, seek new adventures that excite and exhilarate both of you to create some of that excitement you felt at first. Have you always wanted to try skydiving? Try it together. Do you enjoy scary films? Watch them together. It might take some effort at times to break away from the day-to-day routine, but for your life together to remain exciting it needs to be an adventure, treat it that way!
7. Make the Extra Effort
As couples settle into a routine, they accept each other quirks and all. People feel comfortable, and they make less of an effort. Chances are, early in your romance you would indulge your partner’s wishes. For example, if your partner loves to dance and you don’t then you indulged that desire early on. Continue to make those efforts for each other to rekindle that spark.
This principle also applies to appearance. After years together, it is so easy to relax on the sofa wearing comfy sweat pants. Sometimes that is lovely, but it is also important to make an effort to look attractive for each other. Remember how much effort you used to put in to impress each other and look your best? Every now and again, have a really special date night that encourages you to get dressed up. You might find it inspires you to flirt with each other just the way you used to.